**a work in progress, just like this website :)

A Sustainable Adventure

towards and within happiness

thoughts on the page

these thoughts are a lot of the times random. some of it may make sense but a lot of it may not. read at your own risk :)

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basket case.

Posted by Chelsea Noel Dama on February 3, 2015 at 4:35 PM Comments comments (0)

This past weekend, I spent a few wonderful days with my family. I got to have some always needed and always appreciated quality time with my mom and dad, my husband, my babies, my brother and his girlfriend, and of course the dogs. We went to church, drank coffee and relaxed, ate a lot of food, watched the Superbowl. We took tons of photos of the twins and Instagrammed obsessively (as usual), watched movies and relaxed, napped with sleeping babes on our chests and had just an all-around lovely time.


Josh went to work yesterday and then home, while I stayed another night at mom and dad’s with the kiddos. This morning, I saw my mom and dad (and Gus) off to work and then it was just us – Rowan, Silas, Wallace and mommy – our little daytime hangout crew. It was a very quiet morning as we sat on the couch, me feeding the babes and sneaking in sips of lukewarm coffee for a quick second whenever I could, listening to sweet, soft music.


After getting their fill, the babies just sat with me while we sang along to Norah Jones and Jason Mraz. Silas laid on his boppy pillow on my side while I held Rowan on my lap to get some burps out. She looked over at him for a second while he stared up at the ceiling. And he would look up at her as she looked around the room listening intently to any sound made.


And then it happened. He caught her eye and she caught his. They locked gazes and were both immediately and uncontrollably grinning from ear to ear, so absolutely amazed and in love with each other. I lost it. Me = basket case. Up until this point, they have both ‘seen’ each other. They are most certainly aware of the other’s existence. Up until this point, they will burst out with smiles at their mama and daddy, their grandparents, and pretty much anyone who shows them attention. I can never get enough of those smiles when they look at me! But not until now have they both been curious of one another at the same time. Not until now have they shown each other so much love that they can't stand it. I cried such tears of joy witnessing my babes as they experienced their love and admiration for one another for the first time and just thought to myself, “this is what it’s all about”. It’s only going to get better from here. And I just can't wait.

babies' first snow day.

Posted by Chelsea Noel Dama on January 6, 2015 at 11:15 AM Comments comments (2)

This is, by far, the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life.


There is a beautiful blanket of snow outside, the first of this winter. And I am sititng on my couch in a torn sweatshirt, no bra, pants that are sagging and showing off my backside. I haven't showered in two, more likely three days. I just gulped down a bowl of cereal and ate a cup of yogurt in two bites because I'm starving and it's already 11:30am. My dog is going to be in his crate for the rest of the day because he ate yet another pacifier and I feel like strangling him, but I can't. So I'm going to make him sulk in there for a long time. Until I feel bad and let him out. My son hasn't pooped in quite a few days and this morning decided to blow out everywhere. Meanwhile, my daughter puked up all over the sofa as I was cleaning up poop from the top of my boy's back and neck and his feet and everywhere in between.


I am a proud and blessed mama of twins. And one crazy, adorable chocolate lab.


My mom texted me this morning about the snow. I replied, letting her know how the day was going so far and she responded, "I hope you are journaling". I have baskets and piles of laundry sitting all over the living room, coffee table and dining room table from several days ago that need to be folded and put away. I have months worth of bills that need to be combed through and organized and paid. I have at least twenty people that have sent us gifts since the babies were born that I have yet to write thank you's for. I've wanted to document everything that has happened with my twins and write my birth story and blog and post pictures and I am now two months behind and fear I will forget everything.


But who am I kidding? I am a mama of twins. Who are now starting to wake up from a *very short* nap and are telling me they are hungry, once again. I just want them to keep sleeping so I can take a nap and "catch up" on my incredible lack of sleep - which will never happen. I just want another nap.


Yet at the same time, I can't finish typing this fast enough so I can go over and pick them up and stare at their little faces and kiss their cheeks and wipe their little tears and love them and cuddle them and show them the beautiful snow outside and tell them how much they are going to love playing in it when they get older, sledding and making snow angels and having incredible snowball fights. Seeing their little smiles that they have now started showing me when they hear my voice or see my face makes me forget about all the crap I have to do and the sleep I'll never get back, even if only for a split second.


This is, by far, the best thing I have ever done in my entire life.

flash forward

Posted by Chelsea Noel Dama on January 20, 2014 at 9:40 PM Comments comments (0)

you know when you hear a song or drive by a familiar place or smell a smell that you recognize and it takes you back to a very specific time in your past? you rush back to a memory that was maybe just hours or perhaps weeks or years ago and you re-live it like it is happening all over again in the present moment? well today, instead of having a flashback, i had a flash-forward.

 

driving down the parkway, i was rocking out to 94.7 in the car on my way to zumba. it has been several months since i've been to a class, so i was pretty pumped, and daydreaming about how many of the dances i would or wouldn't know anymore, or whether i would collapse out of exhaustion after the first three songs because i am sooo out of shape.

 

either way, the first couple of familiar piano chords struck from the speakers in my radio and i immediately knew the song...b...b..b..bennie and the jets....and turned the volume way, way up. now, of course, i have heard this song however many hundreds of times in my life and sure, there are plenty of memories of where i was or what i was doing when i heard it. but that's not at all what came to mind.

 

my thoughts escaped to the future and i saw myself out on a super flirty and much-needed, random date night with my husband, many, many years down the road. we had had kids and they were growing up fast. 'mommy and daddy' had managed to find a babysitter for the night - or the weekend - and josh and i were out at some hometown, always comfortable, dive bar, having a couple more beers than we probably needed to. we were listening to the loud, overlapping chatter of those who had drank way too many pbr's, mixed with the clanking of pool balls and darts hitting the wall. and then someone started playing elton john on the jukebox. we both started singing along and dancing around, holding hands and forgetting about anything else but each other for that moment. we were years and years into our marriage and family and our life together and we were still so in love. we flirted and cooed and made eyes at each other like we did when we first started dating. it was such an intense and oh so comfortable moment to visit.

 

i became overwhelmed with anticipation for our future and excitement for what our lives are going to bring us. every day i am thankful for my husband, and as much as i love looking back on the memories that we've already made together, i can not wait to see what is in store for our future. this year will mark five years that we have been a couple. five years that we have cared for one another. the way i see it, that's a pretty small amount of time in comparison to the amount of time we have ahead of us. there are so many more memories that are going to be made and it just makes me giddy. so cheers - to the future!

i miss you too

Posted by Chelsea Noel Dama on January 13, 2014 at 6:50 PM Comments comments (0)

this past weekend, i had the pleasure of spending some much needed time with two of my beautiful, smart and best friends.

 

i feel like such an old fart sometimes because i use the phrase "there is just never enough time in the day". a lot. i constantly feel like i have 649 billion things to get done every second of the day. but by the time i get home after work during the week, my few hours of awake time are consumed by doing house chores that have needed to be done and spending quality time with my puppy who's been cooped up all day and making dinner for my husband and talking together about how our days were and catching up with each other and then i just want to fall asleep. all of my 'bigger projects' are pushed to the next day. and the next day turns into this weekend. and that weekend turns into next month.

 

it bothers me that i procrastinate things. i always have, always been great at waiting till the last minute. right mom? all of my 'tasks' are forever in the back of my head and they just pile up until i slowly chip away at them one at a time. meanwhile, five more add on. as i get older, i am realizing that i think this is just something that happens and i'm not sure i'll ever get it to slow down. but for the most part, all of these to-do's are things that only affect me personally (or possibly my husband). but mostly just me and my own whirling head.

 

however, when i put aside or put off spending time with people that mean a lot to me, it is no longer just a personal issue. it puts strain on relationships and saddens everyone involved. i never mean to neglect my friends, i want so desperately to hang out with so many people all of the time. this sounds stupid, but there are moments when i feel like i have no friends aside from my husband, but i know that's not true. i just haven't seen them in forever, because i'm busy. because they're busy. because we are growing up and somehow, somewhere in the last ten years i became an adult and i now have responsibilities and all that crap. i really do not miss my teenage years or early twenties all that much. i am beyond pleased and grateful with where i am at in my life right now. but i surely miss how easy it was to do whatever i wanted whenever i wanted and not have to plan my life around laundry and grocery shopping and vet appointments. (not complaining - i love having clean clothes and lots of food and a healthy pup!)

 

it is definitely weird to have to 'plan' time to see my friends. there just aren't as many spontaneous get-togethers as there used to be. but if that is how we have to play the game then put me in coach. to all of my friends that i love: whether i have seen you in the last few weeks or it has been several months, please know that i miss you terribly and just because we haven't found a good time to hang out yet, doesn't mean i care for you or love you any less!

 

i would say there may be one positive to infrequent visits with some of my best ladies. i know they are true friends because no matter how long it has been since we've seen each other, we are able to hop right in to where we left off. life has flown by but we are able to wrangle it for a little bit of time and bask in the present.

 

i love you my friends. all of you. and i will see you soon :)


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